


When a Casanova and a Conman walk into a bar....

by Paleturtle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack-ish?, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I love this duo too much, M/M, Mutual Pining, Will probably update about twice a week?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27268306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paleturtle/pseuds/Paleturtle
Summary: A list of reasons why Oikawa Tooru and Kuroo Tetsurou must NEVER meet, no matter what the cost.(compiled by the Japanese National Volleyball Team.)Also, why be enemies when you can take over the world together?
Relationships: Implied/background relationships, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou & Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 47
Kudos: 156





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this random fic, because it was my birthday, and I just couldn't sleep. This is probably riddled with mistakes, and very random, and too similar to my previous fics, but nevertheless, I hope that you will smile a bit reading this. 
> 
> Kudos and comments would be like, the best birthday gifts ever!!! And yep, I'm totally shameless online, so please don't mind my rambling. Thank you very much for reading!!!

A list of reasons why Oikawa Tooru and Kuroo Tetsurou must NEVER meet, no matter what the cost.

(compiled by the Japanese National Volleyball Team.)

  * The day that professional conman and that goddamned Casanova meet, everyone in Japan, mark my words, _everyone's_ going to lose a million yen each. And it's not my fault that the camera guy has no eyes, but I ain't letting that trash duo hog my limelight again!!! _(Miya Atsumu)_
  * Handling Kuroo alone is a massive pain in the ass; I'm not eager to see what antics he and Oikawa-san can get up to together. And going by Iwaizumi-san's tales, I feel that all possible measures must be taken to ensure that the meeting above never transpires. ( _Yaku Morisuke)_
  * They are both really cool characters, but the Grand King is still plenty scary! If he meets Kuroo-san, they might just go straight for world domination... Uwaah, I don't want to imagine it now!!! _(Hinata Shouyou)_
  * Hey, hey, hey, are we writing petitions now?!! If this makes my dear teammates happy, I'll support it... But still, it would so cool if they met! Like, every weekend would be a frigging _blast_ , bro!!! _(Bokuto Koutarou)_
  * I'm not entirely convinced of the necessity of this list yet. However, I must admit that I'm concerned that Kuroo-san will adopt Oikawa's distasteful nickname for me, despite me repeatedly informing him in high school of my actual name. _(Ushijima Wakatoshi)_
  * Do I have to sign this? I kinda want them to meet, you know... Just think of how enjoyable the resulting chaos will be... Kiyoomi, why do you look like you want to kill me?!! _(Komori Motoya)_
  * My sanity is already sufficiently compromised. I **refuse** to lose any more of it. _(Sakusa Kiyoomi)_
  * Oikawa-san needs no further encouragement in being a total asshole. And I am worried Kuroo-san will send him all the blackmail material he has on me. And no dumbass, I'm never telling you what that is!!! _(Kageyama Tobio)_
  * I have spent _far_ too many years of my life putting up with the Miya twins' bullshit. I do not wish to be subjected to such an ordeal once more. _(Ojiro Aran)_
  * Man, they give off this incredibly unsettling vibe, you know?! No, Sachirou, those are _not_ my animal instincts, dammit! They are like these super troublesome Poison-type Pokemon that should never be encountered together! _(Hoshiumi Kourai)_
  * To echo what Hinata-san said, I feel that they would get along too well and become an evil-genius duo who take over the world and collect blackmail material on every human being they know. _(Hyakuzawa Yuudai)_
  * Just what the hell is this list?! _Get back to practice NOW, all of you!!!_ I have enough on my plate with this bunch of pre-school kids known as the Japanese national team, and I do **not** need to handle Shittykawa's melodramatics combined with Kuroo's taunts. And they'd be each other's exact type too, which will only worsen the situation. Makki, Mattsun, you assholes, I'm _not_ being jealous, so _fuck off! (Iwaizumi Hajime)_



\------------------------------------------------

"Say, Oikawa, whatcha think about this _lovely_ list they made about us?"

"My god, Tetsu-chan, this is the best thing ever! Poor Damian nearly lost his mind when I collapsed; I was laughing so damn hard~."

"Poor innocents, don't they know that we have been in touch ever since I visited Buenos Aires? "

"I never really told Iwa-chan, so I don't think so. Serves him right for associating with  _ Ushiwaka-chan _ , of all people! And what is this blackmail you've got on Tobio-chan? You _have_ to show me, Tetsu-chan! I'll promote all of Kenma-chan's projects in return, so be an angel and hand it over. "

"Screw you, I'm always an angel, unlike a demon spawn like you."

"It's not so good to lie, Tetsu-chan~ And speaking of Iwa-chan, how many times has that pest Miya been alone with him this week, hmmm?"

"Once or twice, I guess? Oikawa, will you please gather the balls to confess to your dear 'Iwa-chan' and stop using me as your spy already?!"

"Tetsu-chan, it's not that simple!!! Everyone says that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but what if Iwa-chan realizes all my personality defects now that I'm no longer with him 24X7, and he ditches me for someone on the Japanese team?!! And what if I confess and he tells me that he likes someone else, and-"

"Oikawa, stop panicking and just  _ listen _ to me for once. Both of you are completely gone for each other, and this is something even Kenma, the extreme introvert, knows !!! And I  _ get  _ that this will be hard, but are you not even going to try?!! Besides, are you sure Iwaizumi isn't completely aware of your terrible personality already?"

"Mean, Tetsu-chan! But you should know this as well; both of us can only take action in the presence of solid scientific proof! And yes, I  _ know _ that Iwa-chan loves me in his own way, but I do not have any concrete proof that he wants us to be more than best friends, more than whatever we are now!"

"If that's what is stopping you, we'll _create_ the proof, you bratty princess. You are going to post that selfie we took at that nightclub on Instagram tomorrow, understand me?"

"But, why?"

"Well, considering they made such a heartfelt list of reasons why we shouldn't meet, let's prove them right. And I'll bet all the money I have that Iwaizumi's  _ not _ going to be all chill about it. You should trust me; I'm  _ the _ provocation master, after all."

"Tetsu-chan, I've got a slightly bad feeling about this. If you plan to make Iwa-chan jealous, which is probably not going to happen, anyway..."

"Well, that's only part of my plan. And I know something you will know soon too, so just relax, princess. "

_ Japan is going to have a practice match with Argentina next month, anyway. Oikawa isn't going to be able to whine about his unrequited feelings if Iwaizumi kabedons him after the game, eh? Though I have a feeling that I'll just be forced to listen to endless tales of how amazing a boyfriend he is then. Well, Oikawa did help me and Kenma get a lot of shit sorted out together, so I owe him this, at least. And really, that brat Hoshiumi had to call me a poison-type Pokemon, even though I'm such a lovely, well-meaning friend... _

"Hey, Oikawa, one last thing. What do you think of taking over the world together? Though I guess you are already on it, going by that recent interview. Stepping stones, huh?"

"The world can bring it on any day. But maybe it'd be even more thrilling if you joined me, Tetsu-chan."

"Funny that you should steal my lines. But you had better pull off that claim of taking down the whole world; all my bets are riding on you."

"What ..."

"That's probably the first time I've ever made you speechless, huh? Well, I just like playing a high-risk game, so make sure my money's safe, won't you?"

"Trust me, Tetsu-chan, Japan isn't prepared for what's coming for them."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at how the Argentinian and Japanese national volleyball teams react to the nightclub picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have the second chapter. Honestly, I never thought I'd be writing this, but since the amazingly kind people who commented earlier were interested in knowing the continuation, here we are! I really hope I've got down the mannerisms and voices of all the characters down okay, please, please point out any and all errors, I know I still have MILES to improve. And yes, there will a few more chapters, so any and all feedback is treasured! Do leave kudos and comments if you liked reading this!
> 
> And a small collection of Original Character profiles:  
> Juan Martinez : Captain of the Argentina National team. A very steady, solid person. Generally has the patience and emotional maturity of a parent who has weathered many trials at the hands of their devilish children. His wrath is as rare as it is terrifying. He is, in a sense, the bedrock of the team.
> 
> Damian Valdez: Newbie wing spiker, nationally acclaimed as a genius. Has hero-worshipped Oikawa ever since the first match they played (and won) together. Is an impressionable, yet occasionally shrewd person. Rumored to be the unofficial manager of the Oikawa Tooru Fanclub.
> 
> Sanchez di Rossa: Seniormost wing spiker. Loves tracking his teammates' social media accounts. Loves Korean drama and conspiracy theories. He is a very relaxed person off the court, but hyperfocuses during a match. Always indulges Oikawa's requests for extra practice together.
> 
> Matias Hernandez: Libero. Radiates bloodlust on the court, but is an extremely mischievous person off it. His favorite pastime is to tease Damian till the latter is too shocked to reply. Has a penchant for inappropriate humor. Vice president of the Toto Protection Club.Firmly believes that the setter is a cinnamon roll, deep under numerous layers of non-recyclable trash. 
> 
> Xavier di Maria : Middle blocker. Father of two and has adopted Oikawa as the third child after the latter's drunken breakdown in San Juan. Extremely protective of those he considers family. Loves to observe people and is excellent at predicting the opponent's moves. Mother hen of the team, and the President of the Toto Protection Club. Is permanently tasked with the duty of keeping Oikawa from overworking himself. 
> 
> Nicolas Silva: Opposite hitter. Looks like a quiet, taciturn person, but is highly observant of his teammates. Occasionally chips in with facts when he judges that the discussion is about to take a wild turn. is Oikawa's roommate, and thus the person who is most well acquainted with the setter's favorite 'Iwa-chan'. He refers to his roommate as a 'spoiled senorita' . He loves anime characters, especially the tsundere and himedere types.

The primary purpose of an organization or society's title and slogan is to elucidate, as briefly as possible, a critical objective of said organization. At the present moment, Juan Martinez, captain of the Argentinian national volleyball team, wondered if the national administration would object to changing the national team's name and slogan to something like, _'Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad' and 'Toto is a precious cinnamon roll, and needs to be treated as such,'_ respectively _._ At least, volleyball seemed to be the _last_ item on the minds of his teammates, who had turned a team meeting into a full out gossip(?) session. A brief transcript of the chaotic conversation would go as such:

Damian (wing spiker): "I'm telling you, Toto was talking to that guy for _hours_ yesterday!"

Sanchez (WS): " _And_ he's posted a picture of them together on Instagram today! Like, what the hell, when was the last time he posted anything with someone other than us?!"

Xavier (MB): "Sure, he's the JVA's official representative, but he's also shady as hell! Are we _completely_ _sure_ he isn't a mafia boss in disguise?"

Sanchez (WS): "Does this mean what I think it means?"

Xavier (MB): " _Oh hell no_ , I absolutely refuse to let that rooster head with conman vibes two feet near Toto!" 

Nicolas (OP): "Guys, I still think we are missing something here. I mean, I just saw Toto smiling mushily at Iwa-chan's contact profile this morning!"

Matias (Li): "Oh my god, it's a _love triangle_!"

Juan Martinez felt that it was high time to break up the discussion before Matias began explaining the dynamics of his hypothetical love triangle to Damian, who hero-worshipped Tooru way more than strictly necessary. 

"Alright, guys, that's enough for now. No, Damian, it's not a love triangle; stop thinking about it. Matias, quit spouting nonsense. Sanchez, you are acting like a mother keeping tabs on her son's social media activity, so stop. And Xavier, Toto's an adult who can go out with anyone he likes; he certainly doesn't need you to be overprotective. Honestly, all of you, Toto's _not_ a cinnamon roll who needs us to mother hen him!"

The middle blocker, Xavier, who had been accused of overprotectiveness, grumbled sheepishly at his captain, "I _know_ that, Martinez. It's like, I don't want Toto to get hurt, okay? He's always describing himself as this villainous final boss and all. Still, he has this tendency of hiding everything he is worried or insecure about under that shell, and damn it; I can't _help_ but fret over the idiot!"

The cheeky grin on Matias' face dulled as he spoke up in turn, "Honestly, after that drunken stunt he pulled back in San Juan when he thought that his childhood friend was getting engaged, can you blame us?"

Damian looked adorably worried at the suddenly serious turn the atmosphere had taken as he added cautiously, "Still, I think he was pretty happy yesterday?"

Whatever reply he would have received was cut off as the man of the moment, Oikawa Tooru waltzed in. He barely had the time to throw a peace sign before everyone on his team turned an intense stare at him, while Martinez indicated the photo in question. "Explain. Now."

"Uh, that's Tetsu-chan and me at the nightclub near the fountains? You know, the JVA rep? We went drinking there when he visited two months ago..."

"No, why post this all of a sudden?"

The seniormost members of the Argentinian team watched with great interest as Oikawa's cheeks got progressively pinker. Martinez pinched his nose with an air of resignation, "Please don't tell me this is part of some convoluted plan you two cooked up to make your Iwa-chan jealous and confess his feelings."

"W-Well, it wasn't my idea; this is entirely Tetsu-chan's doing!! And why are all of you looking at me like that? I can't read your thoughts, you know!"

The thoughts in question went something like this:

_Nicolas: What a cute idea._

_Sanchez: Captain, just how is this emotionally incompetent dork,_ **_not_ ** _a precious cinnamon roll?_

_Xavier: I knew the rooster head had something to do with this._

_This scheme...might work if these idiots don't spill the beans and mess up everything._

_Matias: So it's not a love triangle, huh._

_Martinez: Hah, who am I to scold them when I am prepared to beat up anybody who makes this brat sad? This team will need a new banner and slogan soon._

"Toto, I think you just broke Damian's hero-worshipping little heart."

______________________________________

Several timezones apart, the Japanese national team's practice session had devolved into unadulterated chaos. As with many other disasters, the origin lay with one Miya Atsumu, who was currently throwing a fit, gesturing at his Instagram feed.

" _They fuckin' know each other?! Just how did this even happen?!!"_

"Tsum-Tsum, calm down before Omi-kun murders you for real!"

"I believe that we wrote a petition against their meeting just a day ago. Quite a coincidence, Tendou would say."

"Miya, for gods' sake, calm down; you're worse than Lev, I swear! This is honestly like my worst nightmare come true..."

"Oooh, they sure look hot!"

"Komori-san, please don't make the situation worse."

"Oh my god, _oh my god_ , the world is going to end soon- stop hitting me, you dumbass Kageyama!"

This was the scene that greeted Iwaizumi when he entered the gym; Atsumu glued to his phone, his face twisted into a rictus of ire, Komori wolf-whistling beside him even as Ushijima looked vaguely perturbed. Hinata and Hoshiumi were chattering on about the apocalypse and demon kings (wait, _what_?). Only Bokuto seemed sort of normal, though he was cheering with even more energy than usual. Meanwhile, Sakusa was trying his level best to become one with the void. 

Taking a deep breath to ward off the incoming migraine, he bellowed, "OI! All. Of. You. Get. Back. To. Practice. Right. NOW." Even as the team scurried off like scolded children, Iwaizumi selected Yaku from the bunch for interrogation. He had a feeling that the day was going to get even more insane, hence the pressing need to obtain a brief recap from someone slightly sane.

"So, spill. What's the cause of the chaos this time around? Has anyone gone to jail? And why the hell is Hinata still going on about Demon kings?"

Yaku took a long, thoughtful look at him before taking out his phone. "You'll understand better if you see this."

Iwaizumi frowned as he took the phone from Yaku. He hoped that it wasn't some foolish TikTok challenge _again..._

The photo that popped up did not seem like some dumb joke, but it did send Iwaizumi's heart plummeting through his stomach, an irrational desire to throw the phone replacing the hollow space in his chest. From the screen, Oikawa and Kuroo smiled up at him, background lit up by the glowing fairy lights of a nightclub. In a rare moment, both of them had chosen to let down their carefully patented smirks; their faces lit up by softer, smaller smiles. Oikawa had thrown up a peace sign, Kuroo eyeing him with fond exasperation. 

He clicked the screen shut, roughly returning the device to Yaku before stomping off to supervise practice. The libero followed at a slower pace, seemingly immersed in some deep thought. 

A few laters, when the team took a break from a particularly grueling schedule, Iwaizumi could no longer divert the voices clamoring in his head towards volleyball. So, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do, he sat down to evaluate just why that stupid picture bothered him so much. Neither of the men in it looked like they had put in the slightest effort to dress for a night out; Oikawa was still in his pale blue San Juan tee, faded after too many washes, and Kuroo hadn't bothered to change out of his formal suit, though he had foregone the jacket. Well, not that Oikawa ever needed to put in any effort to look good; he could have worn Iwaizumi's hoodie over plaid-print half pants and _still_ looked like a vision from heaven. No, it wasn't the clothes or the setting that bothered him. As awful as it was, it was that soft, relaxed look on Oikawa's face that nagged at him the most. Having spent half his life with the setter, Iwaizumi was perhaps the one most used to both his picture-perfect fake smiles and the rare genuine ones. If Oikawa felt comfortable enough around Kuroo to reveal one of those small smiles Iwaizumi treasured so much, then where did that leave him? He had long resigned himself to the fact that Tooru was akin to an incandescent shooting star, headed for heights so great that even _the_ 'Monster generation' was merely a stepping stone for him, and really, what sort of childhood friend could even compare to the hunger that defined Tooru's rise?

_But maybe someone like Kuroo could. Hinata probably wasn't mistaken; perhaps the two of them were meant for world domination after all._

\----------------------------------------------

Late night after practice saw Bokuto and Kuroo catching up over a plate of yakiniku. Bokuto had just finished narrating the dramatics thrown by various members of the team (Kuroo privately thought that it was so very amusing that Bokuto perceived _himself_ as a 'stable presence' and 'sane voice of reason.') 

Once the long spiel was done, the manic energy in Bokuto's golden eyes was replaced by intense curiosity.

"Kuroo, bro, why did you never tell me that you and Oikawa were friends?"

"That... my trip to Argentina wasn't just about business. It was like, all I used to think of then was my job and how to rake in more sponsors, more money, more _everything_ . And in the midst of all that, I never realized that Kenma and I had gotten so far apart; I never realized that _I_ was the goddamned fool driving us apart. And I met Oikawa, and we started talking about Chibi-chan and high school volleyball and childhood friends, and somehow, he made me see just how much of a fool I had been."

Bokuto, quiet for once, only nodded, gesturing for Kuroo to continue.

"It was like, he was the only one who could have kicked my ass back in gear, because we are just so similar in a sense, that we can both understand each other under the sophistry and damn, he sure didn't spare any punches pointing out how stupid I was being. But it's ironic, isn't it? That the guy who can decipher anyone cannot see that his most valuable childhood friend has never wanted anyone but him..."

"Bro, it's not like you and Kenma were any more emotionally ma-"

" _Ahem_! Well, being the super kind person I am, I have decided that enough is enough, and I'm taking this matter into my hands now. The picture is part of that, but I'm not telling you any more, Bokuto."

"Hey, that's not fair! But this Oikawa sure is a cool guy. And both of you looked pretty happy, which is even better!"

"Yeah, but I swear we had a verbal battle for hours about the validity of aliens; he can be such an incredibly annoying _brat._ But yeah, that was sort of fun. It was the most relaxed I'd been in over five months. Oh yeah, I totally forgot to tell you, his team has practically adopted him like family; their middle blocker was glaring at me like I was trying to seduce his sole daughter away... So try to warn off Miya from insulting Oikawa on the court, yeah? I don't feel like breaking up bloody fights."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure Tsum-Tsum behaves himself! Oh, and what are you guys planning to do when he comes over for the practice match next month? Won't you be like, you know, enemies or something? Japan vs. Argentina and all that? Even Iwa-san is going go into demon trainer mode..."

"Why be enemies when you can take over the world together?"

\---------------------------------------------

**Cameo 1**

**A guide to world domination**

Step 1: Make your mark in mass entertainment media 

"Keiji, Kuroo's going to take over the world!"

"Yes, Koutarou."

"Keiji, I'm deadly serious over here! Kuroo is really going to do it, I'm telling you! Oy, Keiji, are you even listening?"

"Koutarou, I wish you'd realize that I have a **very important deadline** coming up, and the **character design of the manga protagonist is yet to be finalized.** "

"K-Keiji dear, please dial down that b-black aura... But like, the world's going to be dominated by Kuroo and Oikawa, and I really think you need to hear this before it's too late!"

"Oikawa-san? Aobajousai's ex-captain and Argentina's starting setter? Him and Kuroo-san... going for world-domination, huh"

"Yeah, exactly!! Wait, Keiji, you know him? Keiji, what are you think-"

"Koutarou, you are a _genius_. Now please excuse me for a minute."

"Huh, wait, what? Keiji, you can't just French kiss me and walk out!!! Hey!"

"Ah, hello, Udai-san. I'm pleased to inform you that I've just thought of an excellent plot outline. This time, instead of designing an inspiring and popular protagonist, the story will focus on the journey of a proud, charismatic demon king and his pain-in-the-ass prime minister as they aim for total world domination, even as their childhood friends are torn between the urge to kill them and the urge to kiss them. "

"....."

"Yes, yes, do not worry. Morally gray characters are all the rage, currently. And I shall be sending a few tentative character profiles as well."

"....."

"Yes, indeed. I know that you are capable of bringing out the full potential of this idea. I look forward to reviewing your final draft soon. Yes, thank you very much."

\----------------------------------------------------------

<https://pin.it/7GxMvKg>

Please check out this Pin for a better idea of how the nightclub pic looks like~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you would like an idea of what Kuroo and Oikawa looked like in the nightclub picture, please check out this GORGEOUS Pin.  
> https://pin.it/7GxMvKg  
> Please point out any formatting erros/typos. Thank you for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble brews on the horizon. Kuroo and Oikawa take a trip down memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of an interlude, really. The practice match is coming in the next chapter, so please wait a bit for it! I just wanted to post this early because I'll probably be too busy to post anything for a couple of days, sorry. College is literally killing me. I'm very sorry I could not individually respond to all the wonderful people who commented last chapter, so I hope this chapter sort of makes up for it? But, honestly, I just can't express how much your comments and kudos light up my day. I love to hear what you think, and I really want your feedback for improvement, so please do leave a comment if you had fun reading this!

_ "Iwa-chan! Coach just informed us that we are going to have a practice match against Japan in a month! You had better throw everything you've got at us if you don't want us crushing you into the ground~ If we win, do you think I can tell Ushiwaka-chan, 'You should have come to Argentina?' On second thoughts, eww. I'd have to play with him then, what a disaster. Iwa-chan, call when you are done with practice, okay?"  _

_ "Mean, Iwa-chan! Leaving Oikawa-san on voicemail!! Why haven't you called yet?! I know that everyone on the National Team is still perfectly healthy, so you have no excuses!" _

_ "Fine, be a grumpy caveman and don't call. Be best buddies with Ushiwaka and Tobio-chan; see if I care!" _

** From Iwa chan <3 **

>> Shittykawa, we are facing off in a month, so you'd be better off focusing on your team. Now stop bothering me.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Seriously, Oikawa, isn't it supposed to be 3 a.m. in Argentina right now?"

"It's an  _ emergency _ , Tetsu-chan! Iwa-chan's been ignoring me for no reason at all! And the only explanation he gave was that we have a match soon, and I shouldn't bother him and that I should focus on my team and ..."

"...."

"So, done with the dramatics, princess?"

"Tetsu-chan, you are  _ not  _ helping."

** "Oikawa."  ** __

_ All that melodrama, and you still won't spell out what you are scared of, will you? _

"Tetsu-chan, I  ** really ** hate how perceptive you are sometimes."

_ Even without me spelling it out, you, of all people, should understand. _

Kuroo sighed, running a hand through his bedhead.  _ It's bad, huh. _

"Oikawa, do you remember what I told you in Buenos Aires? "

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_ Two months prior, outside a nightclub in the Argentinian capital, _

_ " _ So, to conclude, Tetsu-chan, you should stop when you still can; before the stone under your feet turns to broken shards of glass. "

"And is that advice you wish you followed yourself?"

"It's just not something I can do, even if I wanted to. Well, there's no point in me looking back now, is there? I burnt all the bridges tying me back to Japan a long while ago; Iwa-chan's the only one left, and one day, even he will fade away. This so-called 'petty' pride of mine, if I can't vindicate it before my knee gives out on me... I might as well have nothing left. "

"For someone who called _ me _ a goddamn fool,  _ you _ don't seem to be so smart yourself. You think you have cut off all your connections to Japan and that you can never go back, don't you?"

"Me giving up my Japanese citizenship wasn't answer enough? Tetsu-chan, I'm a  _ foreigner _ on Japanese soil now. I burnt the last bridge that would let me go home to my best friend!"

"And I'm telling you it doesn't  _ matter _ , because  _ I'll _ build that bridge for you, and you can return any time you want after you've got all the medals you want at the Olympics! And that's the guarantee you need to gather the courage to confess to your best friend; I'm giving it to you  _ right here _ , and _ right now _ ."

"Selling dreams now, are we, Tetsu-chan? What would I even  _ do  _ back there?"

"I don't know, become a high school volleyball coach and crush Karasuno at Nationals? Or become a temperamental supermodel? Coach a V-league team? Take an astrophysics degree? Hell, Oikawa, we can even take over Japan together; you can be  _ anything _ ."

"Just Japan? Please, I'm not settling for anything less than the  _ world."  _

"I'll hold you to that. Here, I'll pay."

" Not  _ fair _ , Tetsu-chan; I hate being indebted to people, you know? Besides, I probably earn more than you, so let  _ me _ pay."

_ It's not just about the bill, but I just can't express how grateful I am to you in words. _

_ Yep, you are Kageyama's most respected senior, alright. Is emotional constipation a setter syndrome or something? _

"Let's call it even and split the bill. Hurry up. I wanna try fountain-diving before the lights go off. "

"I'm sure  _ your _ hair can't look worse, but _ I _ have some standards! We have to take a picture first!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"That you wanted to dive into a fountain? Are you five, Tetsu-chan?"

"Big words from a two-year-old who can't swim."

"Mean, Tetsu-chan!"

"See, you even whine like one. But, you know what I mean, so stop worrying. And I'll only say this once, but apart from Iwaizumi, you've also got a team that spoils you to an absurd extent and the kindest person ever to exist, a.k.a. Kuroo Tetsurou of the JVA, to support you. So... just stop overthinking, everything is going to be okay. "

"So sweet, Tetsu-chan!!! Oh, I just remembered, you've got to give me blackmail material on Tobio-chan! Oh, and uh, I mean, like, I just wanted to say- _ thankssomuch, bye, see you soon!" _

The phone call was cut off as Kuroo doubled over in laughter at the hasty apology _. Maybe the shitty brat should get ignored more often; he is incredibly awful at expressing gratitude, isn't he? I kind of get why Argentina's opposite hitter is so fond of himedere types.  _

His expression sobered up as his thoughts took an analytical turn.  _ Iwaizumi ignoring Oikawa would definitely have something to do with the picture. Is it perhaps that some part of him is uncomfortable with his best friend moving on from him, or is it pure jealousy of the romantic nature? If it was me in his place and Kenma in the picture, it might have been both... Considering how closely linked they used to be, it's likely a mixture of both.  _

_ \---------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

** Cameo 2 **

** A guide to world domination **

Step 2: Ensure that your celebrity status stretches over multiple fields of life .

"Kenmaaa~ pay attention to me over here. What have you been looking at for so long?"

"Kuroo, you are not a cat; get off. My manager suggested collaborating with an international fashion line. Just thinking about the logistics involved is giving me a headache,  _ ugh _ .."

"Fashion line?"

"No, Kuroo, you are  _ not _ modeling. I don't know  _ who _ told you that you'd make a good underwear model last time, but  **_ no _ ** ."

" _ Hey _ , I'm a smoking hot jock! "

"Nerd."

"Take it back! Wait, what about Oikawa?"

"I doubt he is going to agree."

"Nah, he owes me! Besides, this is just the second step toward world domination."

"Mmm."

"Hey, look more surprised about it, will you?!"


	4. Chapter 4: The Practice Match- Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Argentinian team arrives. Misunderstandings pop up, and the practice match of a lifetime begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally got started on the practice match. I think I honestly suck at writing both emotions and sport, but well, I am going to try my best. Honestly, this fic is developing way too many emotional complications for something I wrote on a whim...
> 
> I really really hope you like reading this chapter. Please, please leave comments or kudos, I love knowing what you think about the story so far, and all feedback is highly appreciated!! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
> 
> Bold text represents conversations in Spanish. (Yeah, I might have cheated a bit, and made Kuroo fluent in Spanish...)
> 
> Also, original character profiles are as below, if you are interested:  
> Juan Martinez: Captain of the Argentina National team. A very steady, solid person. Generally has the patience and emotional maturity of a parent who has weathered many trials at the hands of their devilish children. His wrath is as rare as it is terrifying. He is, in a sense, the bedrock of the team.
> 
> Damian Valdez: Newbie wing spiker, nationally acclaimed as a genius. Has hero-worshipped Oikawa ever since the first match they played (and won) together. Is an impressionable, yet occasionally shrewd person. Rumored to be the unofficial manager of the Oikawa Tooru Fanclub.
> 
> Sanchez di Rossa: Seniormost wing spiker. Loves tracking his teammates' social media accounts. Loves Korean drama and conspiracy theories. He is a very relaxed person off the court, but hyperfocuses during a match. Always indulges Oikawa's requests for extra practice together.
> 
> Matias Hernandez: Libero. Radiates bloodlust on the court, but is an extremely mischievous person off it. His favorite pastime is to tease Damian till the latter is too shocked to reply. Has a penchant for inappropriate humor. Vice president of the Toto Protection Club.Firmly believes that the setter is a cinnamon roll, deep under numerous layers of non-recyclable trash.
> 
> Xavier di Maria : Middle blocker. Father of two and has adopted Oikawa as the third child after the latter's drunken breakdown in San Juan. Extremely protective of those he considers family. Loves to observe people and is excellent at predicting the opponent's moves. Mother hen of the team, and the President of the Toto Protection Club. Is permanently tasked with the duty of keeping Oikawa from overworking himself.
> 
> Nicolas Silva: Opposite hitter. Looks like a quiet, taciturn person, but is highly observant of his teammates. Occasionally chips in with facts when he judges that the discussion is about to take a wild turn. is Oikawa's roommate, and thus the person who is most well acquainted with the setter's favorite 'Iwa-chan'. He refers to his roommate as a 'spoiled senorita' . He loves anime characters, especially the tsundere and himedere types.
> 
> Once again, thanks for reading!

One month later, one day before the match.

**_From Iwaizumi Hajime, 3:30 p.m._ **

_ >> I'm not going to be able to come with you today; Hoshiumi's got food poisoning, so we are at the hospital now. _

Kuroo stared at his phone in disbelief. The Argentinian contingent was scheduled to arrive at the airport within 2 hours. In other words, 2 hours later, he was going to have to hear Oikawa say, "Tetsu-chan, where's Iwa-chan? He didn't... come?" with a strained smile plastered to his face, minutes away from completely withdrawing into a shell. Two hours later, he was going to receive death glares from all the senior members of the Argentinian team for absolutely no fault of his!

**_From Kuroo Tetsurou, 3:31 p.m._ **

_ >> You really can't make it? Oikawa's not going to be pleased. Come on, dude, just leave the white Shrimp to your intern. _

**_From Iwaizumi Hajime, 3:36 p.m._ **

_ >> I can't. Shittykawa'll get over it. _

Kuroo cursed everything starting from Hoshiumi's inhuman appetite to stubborn athletic trainers; he really didn't feel like making an enemy out of Oikawa's fan club for making their idol cry and suffering throughout the most uncomfortable drive ever.

Ugh, who was he kidding? He could practically _feel_ Kenma's judgemental stare on him, saying, _"You know, you can just admit that you don't want him to be upset."_

_Hey, it's only because he is even more of a brat when he's upset!!_

_Sure, Kuroo_ , rang Kenma's deadpan voice in his head. Kuroo wished that the imaginary Kenma conjured by his mind wasn't so similar to the real person himself.

\---------------------------------

Two hours later, at Narita Airport. 

Martinez had to restrain a smile as he observed Oikawa and Damian bounce around like children on an outing, one going on about his high school exploits, and the other listening with starry eyes. He still had an image as a captain to maintain, dammit. Still, he would never understand why exactly Damian found stories about the correct technique to anger opponents to death so inspiring.

Besides him, Xavier had no such inhibitions, as he said, **"Someone seems real fired up today, yeah?"**

**"We have to remind the youngsters to stay on their toes; Japan's Monster Generation will not be an easy opponent. Oh, look, the JVA representatives are over there."**

The moment the team had been officially greeted, and the formalities were completed, Oikawa called out happily, "Tetsu-chan, it's been a long time! Iwa-chan's at the exit, right? He is always so fussy about following formalities~."

"Er no, he didn't come with us; he had to take Hoshiumi to the hospital; idiot came down with food poisoning... I'm sorry, Oikawa."

Kuroo wished he wasn't perceptive enough to notice how brown eyes flitted through confusion, resentment, loneliness before settling on a blank shade like a window swinging closed. 

"What for, Tetsu-chan? It's not your fault that Iwa-chan's too busy to text me, anyway. More importantly, the great Oikawa-san needs his beauty sleep, so let's catch up later, Tetsu-chan!"

Kuroo sighed with feeling as Oikawa threw up a half-hearted peace sign complete with a synthetic smile. The cheery mood from before was erased entirely. In the end, it was Nicolas who saved the day, making small talk in broken Japanese about his favorite anime series, causing the JVA representatives to burst out laughing at his stilted pronunciation. 

As the drive back to the hotel neared its close, Kuroo noted that Sanchez was now in the seat opposite him, looking as though he hadn't a care in the world. Really, _how_ did a 6 ft tall spiker manage to shift seats to the opposite end of the bus without anyone noticing him?

**"Finally, looks like I get a moment of peace... Toto wouldn't shut up the whole flight. So, mind chatting a bit?"**

**"Sure took you a while to come over."**

**"Eh, Captain's real strict about privacy and all that. I couldn't care less, and I don't think you do too, so what happened? Where is 'Iwa-chan,' anyway? I thought he'd be with you guys."**

**"He's busy. One of the players fell ill."**

**"Ah. Toto didn't mention much about it. Well, see ya around."**

**"Same. Don't spoil him too much."**

**"Can't help it, Mr. Conman."**

**"Okay, _now_ I'm offended. I'm a sincerely kind soul, you know?" **

**"Actually, you are, so I hope you won't mind too bad if I spike some balls hard enough to break a nose or two by accident?"**

**_"Sanchez, you had better not be up to something over there!"_ **

**"Oops, sorry, Captain~."**

Kuroo felt like remarking that Sanchez didn't really _look_ like he was sorry at all. Seriously, why the hell couldn't Hoshiumi stop eating anything he saw? Even so, medical emergency notwithstanding, he couldn't help but think that Oikawa most likely doubted that Iwaizumi had really wanted to come at all. It was not a very comforting thought, coupled with the fact that the setter's teammates would quite literally implement that last statement if they felt that someone had hurt the 'spoiled senorita' of their team.

_Forget it. I just have to trust that they'll talk it over. Preferably before blood gets spilled._

_\-----------------------------------------------------_

Waiting outside the hospital room, Iwaizumi briefly wondered if a penchant for causing as much chaos as possible was the primary criterion for selecting the Japanese national volleyball team. It was the first time Oikawa had come back to Japan since his departure eight years ago, and now, he couldn't even be there for that. Couldn't be there to see if Tooru _actually_ looked as handsome and confident as he did on the _Nazeder_ magazine cover (who was he kidding; Tooru _always_ looked gorgeous). Couldn't be there to hug the person he had spent half his life with, the person he would spend his entire life yearning after. 

But would Oikawa even want him to be there? After a month of radio silence, which _Hajime_ had imposed upon them? All because Hajime had been terrified that the first questions coming out of his mouth if they had talked would have been, "I saw how happy you were with Kuroo in Buenos Aires, and I am jealous I'm not the only one who gets to see your genuine smiles anymore. I'm scared that I'm not the first one you call when you are sad anymore," and "After all these years, who am I to you?" 

And Oikawa, ever observant, would read his greatest secret like an open book; that Hajime's traitorous heart had long since sold itself to the boy with galaxies in his eyes, the setter with the world in his hands. And an awkward pause, maybe a nervous laugh, and a quiet, " _I'm so sorry, Iwa-chan_ " would be all that was left between them. 

He would choose a month without their weekly Skype calls and Oikawa's ridiculous emoji-filled messages over that nightmare any day. Nevertheless, his body was taut with excitement; Oikawa was coming back after so many _months_ , that they could _finally_ meet in person. And maybe, when they would hug at the airport, Iwaizumi could believe, for a brief moment, that Oikawa had missed him just as much.

But then Hoshiumi had come down with a bad case of food poisoning, and he was stuck staring at a sterilized door, waiting for the test results to be announced. He _knew_ he should have texted Oikawa as well, but the ugly green monster within him had raised its head and said, _"Oh well, isn't Kuroo going to be there? He might not be too upset about your absence, anyway."_

_Liar_ , something else within him had whispered. He _will_ notice, and he _will_ resent it because he's always cared for you too, just not in the same way.

\----------------------------------------------------------

The day of the match 

Damian nearly ripped out his hair in frustration as yet another of his spikes was blocked by the steel wall that was Ushijima, Hyakuzawa, and Sakusa. It was the first set of the practice match, and the scores read 23-14, with Japan in the lead. The match had begun with a far too tense atmosphere, and Damian felt like his limbs were filled with lead. As Martinez had warned him, the strength of the Monster Generation was indeed something one couldn't comprehend until they had been crushed by it. He himself had messed up too many receives ( _seriously, were those spikes or cannonballs?! And just where did those incredibly fast quicks come from?!_ ) He had gotten blocked far too many times. Even though the others clapped his back and told him that they'd get the next point, Damian could only think, _substitute me already, aren't I just being a horrible burden?_

To make matters worse, there was _something_ off with Toto as well, and it was throwing off the perfect cohesion that was characteristic of the Argentinian national team. The instinctive sense of something going terribly _wrong_ just worsened as Damian watched the blond setter from Japan murmur something to his counterpart across the net. 

_What did he say? What is going on? Why is everyone looking at Toto like_ **_that_ ** _? Toto, why are_ **_you_ ** _looking like that? Goddamnit, if only I understood their language!_

Minutes later, the ball was slammed past the Argentinian defenders, _again_. The referee's whistle blew, signaling the end of the first set. 25-15, to Japan. And the realization struck Damian like a lightning bolt, even as the olive-eyed spiker who had scored the last point seemed to look at Toto with commiseration. _They were_ **_pitying_ ** _him. As if to say, did you give up your citizenship just to play at this level? Is_ **_this_ ** _all your pride is worth? You should have just stayed in Japan then._ And, _oh god_ , it was all his fault! If he could have been like that orange-haired opposite hitter who seemed to have invisible wings or the one with freakishly flexible wrists, no one would have _dared_ to look down on Toto like that! After all that Toto had done for him, was _this_ all he was capable of?!

He felt a solid arm pull him towards the rest of the team. Nicolas wasn't looking back at him but at Toto, who was fiddling with his laces, lost in his own thoughts. However, he raised his head to glance at them, and Damian couldn't stop the words tumbling out of his mouth, **"Toto-I- _I'm sorry_ -I'm sorry I'm not the spiker you deserve. After all the times you helped me, I couldn't even stop them from-" ** The rest of the words were lost in muffled tears, but from the look of utter astonishment on Toto's face, he seemed to have understood just fine. 

A long second later, quiet laughter rang out as Oikawa pulled himself up.

**"I can't believe you, are you seriously going to cry because Tsumu-chan insulted my so-called worthless pride?"**

Despite his words, Oikawa suddenly seemed radiant, his head held up high.

**"Don't be an idiot, Damian. You, me, all of us, we are going to the _Olympics_ together. You guys are the best team I could ask for, and I certainly don't want to set to Ushiwaka; I want to set to _you_ . " **

Jose Bianco simply watched on with a calm smile as the captain clapped his hands and announced, **"Boys, if you have cleared your head, let's get back into the game. And I don't expect us to come back with anything less than a win, _understand?_ " **

Matias whistled, **"Aaalright~ let's go defend Toto's pride! Sanchez, you're treating us to empanadas for every point I save, capiche?"**

**"Hey, I'd appreciate it if you didn't make me sound like a damsel in distress! And besides, you guys are my pride, so-"**

**"Toto's too adorable when he is embarrassed, isn't he?"**

**"Xavier, for the last time, you are _not_ his mother! Or his father, either!" **

And Damian watched awestruck as the goofy smile on Oikawa's face transformed into a dangerous, magnetic smirk,

**"Well then, as always, I'll be counting on you."**

And as easy as that, Damian felt the familiar cogs whir into place. _Yep, Argentina was back in business, all right._

_\----------------------------------------------------_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The practice match comes to a close, and various conclusions are reached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last chapter, finally! A huge, huge thank you to anyone who has read this till now, to everyone who's left kudos, and to all the people who left such enthusiastic, happy and encouraging comments! I'm so glad I could finish this fic, and I do hope you had a little fun reading it. 
> 
> Please point out any and all errors, I know I still have MILES to improve. Any and all feedback is treasured! Do leave kudos and comments if you liked reading this!
> 
> As usual, bold text represents conversations in Spanish.

It was the interval between the first and the second sets, and the mood over the Japanese bench was bordering on relaxed. Even the coach had no criticisms to offer and merely advised them to keep up the excellent work. Despite his immense pride in the team as their trainer, Iwaizumi couldn't help but feel resentment well up. No matter how much he yelled at Oikawa, he could never tolerate  _ anyone _ making light of the latter's abilities, even when they were on opposite sides of the court. So really, who could fault him if he taped Atsumu's fingers just a bit too tight when the setter turned to Kageyama and drawled, "Really Tobio, yer middle school senpai ain't all that scary. Don't know why yer so bothered by him-  _ OW! _ Iwa-san, what was that for?!" 

Kageyama shot Atsumu a glare before mumbling, "You wouldn't get it. That wasn't the full extent of Oikawa-san's skills anyway!"

"Yeah, Atsumu-san! 'Sides, Bakageyama here watches  _ all _ of the Grand King's matches, so- Hey, stop hitting me! You dumbass in denial!!"

"Indeed, it would be unwise to underestimate Oikawa just yet."

Even as Ushijima spoke, a burst of boisterous Spanish rang out from the Argentinian side, as the players got up to return to the court. They watched Oikawa turn to address his team, shoulders held up with confidence. 

"Is it just me, or did the atmosphere around them just flip all of a sudden?!"

Iwaizumi sucked in a breath; just how many times had he seen Oikawa do this before a match? With only a few words, the team would morph into a razor-sharp blade, a pack of wolves keening for the hunt.  _ Oikawa's got the same effect on every team he plays with, huh? God, the next two sets are going to be hell; Argentina's going to pull all stops out. _

And hell it indeed was. It was almost as if Argentina could predict most of Japan's moves, even Kageyama and Hinata's freak quick; as if they had only been using their disastrous first set for calibration. Sakusa's eyes filled with murderous intent after Oikawa pulled off a second dump shot, an incredibly annoying smirk plastered on his face for a long time after. Martinez shrugged apologetically as if to say,  _ please excuse his manners _ . Regrettably, all possible good intentions carried in the wordless apology went out of the window when the rest of the Argentinian team piled up on their smug, self-satisfied setter, beaming with pride.

Iwaizumi, on his part, felt torn between the all-too-familiar dilemma of either killing his childhood friend who had been born with the personality of non-recyclable trash or kissing that damned grin off his stupidly handsome face. After 26 years, one would think that he would have gotten used to it, but there had probably never been a time when he had been able to keep his composure intact at the briefest mention of Oikawa. 

After a prolonged rally, the ball finally dropped past Komori's outstretched fingers, and Argentina took the second set, 32-30. Iwaizumi couldn't help but marvel at how they functioned like a well-oiled machine, how they seemingly guessed the location of Atsumu's monster serves, how they played like an experienced orchestra guided by a trusted conductor, who fine-tuned the pace to bring out the best in every member. It was a stark reminder of how _ terrifying _ Oikawa could be, under all the dramatics, how he could seamlessly work with a team even without speaking their native language. 

It was only when the Japanese team returned that he could take his eyes off Oikawa. 

"See? I _told_ you he was frightening!"

"Shuddup, Tobio!"

"The Grand King is as cool as ever! Oh, Iwaizumi-san, he's looking your way! Wait, I haven't seen you greet him yet..."

"It can wait till after the match, Hinata. Now, will you sit still so I can check up on you, idiot!"

"Why is that dumbass Kuroo making weird hand gestures from over there? Iwaizumi-san? I'm pretty sure that last one was directed at you?"

"Leave it, Yaku. Bokuto, will you  _ stop _ flapping your arms like an owl in reply!!"

Meanwhile, the Argentinian team watched in amusement as their setter and the shadiest JVA representative in all history carried on a conversation with their hands alone. 

Kuroo jerked a thumb towards each of the benches, then jammed them together with emphasis. 

_ You. Him. Talk. Now _

Oikawa made a small cross with his index fingers, desperation flickering under his cloak of confidence.

_ Unsure. Further confirmation required. _

Kuroo facepalmed, before tapping his eyes and pointing at Oikawa again.

_ Are. You. Fucking. Serious. He's never even looked away from you all the time! _

Oikawa tugged his fringe, looking marginally more hopeful.

_ So, I'll go for it? _

Kuroo threw out his palm in Iwaizumi's direction before flapping it at Bokuto.

_ Yes, please. This has been going on for long enough already!  _

_ No, Bokuto, I'm not talking to you; stop flapping your arms. _

** "That is certainly an impressive display of non-verbal communication going on over there." **

** "Yo, Nicolas, think you can decipher what rooster head's telling Toto?" **

** "I don't know. Maybe he's trying to get Toto and Iwa-chan get together?" **

** "Ohhh. Wait, how are we going to deliver the whole _ 'Hurt Toto, and you will never be forgiven'  _ talk if Iwa-chan doesn't know Spanish?!" **

** "We still have a set left to win, so. STOP. GOSSIPING.  _ NOW _ ." **

\------------------------------------------

The third set followed a nerve-wracking pattern. Quite a few of Oikawa's serves went marginally out of bounds, almost as if he was too keyed up for something. The Japanese team was equally on edge, and both teams fought tooth and nail for each point. 

Kuroo watched with bated breath as Argentina's libero dug up _ yet _ another spike.  _ They are almost like a rubber band, adjusting to anything that's thrown at them. It can't have been easy, getting so in sync. Oikawa's probably made them watch hundreds of tapes already; I swear, none of them can actually say no to that brat. Ooh, maybe I should tell him that Kageyama and Hinata have got entire folders titled after him... _

Points racked up on either end as the game teetered towards a second deuce. In a defining moment, Oikawa tossed the ball to Damian, running in behind Sanchez. In a stunning moment of clarity, the youngster chose to gently push the ball in through a momentary gap in Gao's defense instead of slamming it in. The ball seemed to strike the ground in slow motion, even as everyone on its half of the court dived towards it. The scoreboard flashed, 25-24, match point to Argentina. 

Iwaizumi could almost _ taste _ the inevitability of Argentina's win, as Oikawa walked up to serve. Once again, he watched the fluid run-up, ( _ was that dumbass treating his knee properly, without Iwaizumi to mother-hen him? _ ), palm meeting ball with sheer, terrifying power, and felt, more than saw, the ball smash into the opposite half of the court, whirring past extended arms. A no-touch service ace. 

Argentina had won, 15-25, 32-30, 26-24. 

And, that smile there, on Oikawa's face, that laugh, that was the reason Iwaizumi could never really be selfish enough to do something like confess, to compel Oikawa to prioritize him over volleyball, to ask him to slow down so that Iwaizumi could walk alongside him a little while longer.

The moment the teams had finished with the post-match greetings, Hinata's excited translations, and a shared love of volleyball smoothing over the language barriers, Oikawa grabbed Iwaizumi by the hand, and somehow dragged him out of the group of players, support staff, reporters. Iwaizumi blamed that too-beautiful-to-be-real face of his; the amount of rule-breaking it allowed Oikawa to get away with was  _ ridiculous _ . 

They walked like that till Oikawa located a corner that he deemed deserted enough for whatever he had in mind. Years of experience with Oikawa's moods told Iwaizumi that the setter was holding back a torrent of  _ something _ . As always, he was going to have to nudge the floodgates into opening. 

"Shittykawa, there had better be a good reason why you dragged me out here."

"There is a damn good reason, Iwa-chan! Mind telling me  _ why  _ you've been ignoring me for the last month? Mind telling me  _ why _ you couldn't text me that you weren't going to be at the airport?  _ Oh, and why you haven't even talked to me yet today?!" _

"We've both been busy, and you know-"

"No, I don't, Iwa-chan! You should  _ know _ that no matter _ what  _ happens, I'm never too busy for you! Or is it the reverse, huh?!"

"It's not that at all, you dumbass!"

"Well then, what is it?!"

"Maybe I don't feel like telling you, asshole!"

"Oh God, was it about that photo? Iwa-chan? Hey, wait-"

" _ What more do you want, Shittykawa? _ Yeah, maybe it was the photo; maybe I'm jealous that you seem so happy with Kuroo, maybe I want to be the only person to see your real smile! You know the truth now, and I __ don't _ know _ what sick satisfaction you want out of this,  _ so just let me go _ !"

"Iwa-chan,  _ Hajime _ , look. at. me."

And Hajime looks anyway because he has never been able to  _ not _ do so, and what he sees freezes him out of sheer shock. 

Oikawa is smiling, and this is a smile even _he's_ never seen before, so mischievous, happy and relieved, and oh god, his eyes; he looks like he's as much in love with Hajime as  _ Hajime _ is in love with _ him,  _ and there's nothing Hajime can say anymore. Anyway, it turns out that words are unnecessary as Oikawa bends down to kiss him, and Hajime pulls him in, lets himself be selfish for once.

When they stop after a long time, Oikawa speaks softly, "Iwa-chan, do you know why I was so happy that night in Buenos Aires? Because Tetsu-chan promised that there'd be a way I could come home to you in Japan in the future. Because, for the first time after I renounced my citizenship, I could see a future for us together in Japan. So yes, I might have been chasing volleyball my whole life, but I've never told you that I've chased after you just as long, have I?"

"You absolute dumbass,  _ I'm _ the one who's been chasing after your dramatic ass all these years- why did you never  _ tell  _ me?"

"Because I was never sure you even liked me like  _ that _ ! I actually thought you were  _ engaged _ once! You stupid m-meanie, you-"

"Oi, stop crying, Oikawa, no, I'm sorry- Wait, what did you even mean,  _ engaged _ ? Oh  _ fine _ . C'mere, you big baby."

As Oikawa grabs onto his shirt and latches on to him like a huge baby koala, Iwaizumi notes, with resigned dread, that he definitely owes Kuroo several lifetimes of favors already. 

\-------------------------------------------------------

** Epilogue: **

Two days later,

"Iwaizumi-san, just  _ what  _ are those two doing here  _ again _ ?"

"Ooh, maybe the Grand King is gonna practice with us!"

"Yeah, as if. They are here purely to annoy you guys to death, so ignore them."

_ " _ WHY THE HELL ARE ALL THE REPORTERS FLOCKING TO _ THEM  _ WHEN  _ WE _ ARE THE ACTUAL __ FUCKING _ NATIONAL TEAM?!' _

"Ooh, looks like Atsumu snapped."

"Komori, is that  _ popcorn _ ?! Forget it; I don't want to know. This  _ has to be _ some terrible nightmare..."

"KUROO! OIKAWA! LET'S PLAY! Tsum-Tsum, Omi-Omi, stop looking so horrified; this is going to be so much fun!!"

And to prevent his players from suffering further mental damage, Iwaizumi sighs, strides up to Oikawa and Kuroo, who seem to be having the time of their lives charming hordes of misguided reporters, possibly executing one of the steps in the 10-step guide to world domination they drew up the other day, and proceeds to kick them straight out of the gymnasium. Kenma, who had come with Kuroo, looks somewhat relieved.

Once the biggest troublemakers are safely dispatched, Iwaizumi and Kenma quietly assess each other for a while before coming to the welcome conclusion that both of them are sane, ordinary people who are irrevocably in love with their not-so-normal childhood friends. And since said friends seem to be set on taking over the world for reasons better unknown; they make a wordless pact to save Japan, if needed, from the twin menace that is Oikawa Tooru and Kuroo Tetsurou. 


End file.
